to feel brand new.
I do have hopes for this year to be better than the last, like always. No matter the atrocities that this world has spewed at us for the past few years, I choose to believe in humankind. I just have to. I have to believe that human beings are good, that all of us deserve at least a chance in redemption (even when some of us are truly vile).
That being said, the year started off pretty well for me. Family, friends, significant other all doing good. Of course there will be problems, a lot of frustrations and heartaches thrown along the way, but we've managed to survive through it all until now. So, we're all doing okay, and that's all that matters. Otherwise, I'm settling into my job, even though it has been a constant source of frustration for me. There are good and bad days, just like in any other job, but with this one... the anxiety and worry is endless. I'm always scared I'll screw up in one way or another, that I won't live up to expectations, that they'll see me as a fraud somehow.
Sometimes, I wish I didn't have to work well into the night and throughout the weekend. Sometimes, I wish I could just work normal hours and have time to do what I like during my days off. Sometimes, I wish I could just read, and read, and read... get lost in another place, another time, another world, much more fascinating than my own. I guess my point is that I do miss having quality time to myself, just reading a good book in a cafe or in a comfortable reading nook. Walking around a beautiful city with my own thoughts. Watching all the movies and/or TV shows without having to count the minutes, thinking, "I still have this or that to work on. One more episode and back to work!"
One day, and I hope it will be soon, I hope I get to do all that. For now, I guess I have no choice but to work hard in order to achieve those dreams.
© Photo by Blake Lisk on Unsplash
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