cleaner ways don't win wars.
It's inevitable: one of these days, I'll be writing a blog post on a rainy morning and choose a moody picture of a book or someone reading, preferably with a hot drink like coffee or tea. Turns out it's today. I even have a little bonus to enhance the mood even further: playing a "Rainy Day" playlist that I found on Spotify. Could I be any more cliché?
Today is Day 123 of Quarantine, or, "Self-imposed Isolation" probably would be a more fitting term to describe whatever it is we're doing at this moment in time. It's crazy – 2020 is shaping up to be one of the most trying times for us humans, yet I can't really be mad at it. Yes, it's frustrating that we can't "go back to normal", whatever "normal" was. It's insane that I can't just hop on a public transport, go the work, hang out with my family and friends, the way we were supposed to. Instead, we're stuck at home, trying to save lives.
As our elders so lovingly put it, "At least you're not fighting wars, you get to save lives only by staying at home. It's nothing." It's the same message that's been mentioned time and again by influencers and people in power in order to boost our morale: "Time to fight this war against the pandemic by staying at home. You can do it!" I'll be honest, sometimes this approach works and sometimes it simply doesn't. Like I mentioned before, I can't really be mad at it. How can I be? I've been given the most delightful, the greatest present ever this year. I get to spend even more time with her and watch her grow, an opportunity most working mothers would kill to have once they're off maternity leave. I get to have maternity leave, then Working From Home arrangement, then even more time off as of my recent situation. How can I not see that as a glimmer of hope, a ray of light, amongst a very dark situation? It's a blessing, to be sure, to be able to spend more time with my family. Wasn't I just saying how badly I needed a break every now and then for the past four years? Now, there I have it. God really does work in mysterious yet effective ways. He knows what's best and gives you what you need, when you need it.
However (you knew this was coming, didn't you), it is not as easy as I'd hoped. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my life away while others get to be more productive. I know, I know... Productivity is a loose term considering the life we're leading right now. Most of the time, we're doing more than enough. "Only" worked on one task today? You're doing great. "Only" had time to apply for one or two jobs today? You do you. But I guess it's not too selfish, or self-indulgent, or even weak, to admit that... I do miss the old normal, whatever it was. I miss how "free" we were. I realize how much we took everything we did for granted: going to work (even during a massive traffic, though I don't miss that bit), being at work, hanging out with friends after work or during weekends, watching movies at the cinema and grabbing a bite or two to eat afterwards... When will we ever be able to experience that again under normal circumstances? It makes me sad for the future world that my daughter lives in. I should consider myself more than lucky that she's healthy and happy, but I do want her to go places and discover things. Ah well. Here's to more praying that the situation gets better soon, and off we go to be more productive (aka watching Netflix and revamping this blog).
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