an ode to the husband.

Back in the early days of this blog, I used to write a lot about boys. Who am I kidding, not only here, but also on other platforms, namely my physical diary. It's like I'm obsessed... that is, with the fact that I didn't have a boyfriend for quite some time (OKAY FINE, 6+ YEARS). 

Even if I did have one, I was lamenting the fact that he wasn't what I hoped he would be. Never mind the fact that he turned out to be emotionally abusive towards me or that he simply was into another girl, more importantly I think you can forgive the younger me's unrealistically high expectations about how a boyfriend should be. After all, I was in a drought for 6+ years, while at the same time, having weird crushes here and there PLUS pining after my high school sweetheart. Phew. Reading through all those diary and blog entries sometimes fill me with a secondhand embarrassment for the girl I used to be, but hey, everybody has to at least go through one awkward phase with the opposite sex, right? I went through a lot of 'em! Go me. 

Anyway, so what sparks this walk down the memory lane with boys, hmm? Well, none other than the man who has now become my husband. Two years on, almost three, I still feel a thrill calling him that. I keep saying he's not perfect, but wow, is he perfect for me. He might not be the kind of guy to shower me with his affections (publicly or even privately), he doesn't post about me 24/7 on any social media (thank God, actually), and he doesn't even bother to surprise me with gifts on my birthday. What gives, then? The fact is, he's just so attentive to my wants and needs. Without saying anything, without any prompts whatsoever, he'll get me the things he knows I like and/or need, sometimes before the thought of them even cross my mind. He goes out of his way to make me happy, but silently so. I honestly feel guilty that I'm not as attentive as he is, and that's saying something because usually I go out of my way to please my closest ones (see: sending care packages to friends, celebrating my family's birthdays with flowers and cakes). When it comes to my husband, though, he's more elusive about his likes and needs, making it more difficult for me. After all this time? Yes. I suppose it's good that he remains a mystery to me even now, makes the marriage all the more exciting. 

Now that we have a baby daughter, it's been a bit hard to be romantic, let alone be in the mood for any ~sexy time~. I wish I could have more time to be intimate sometimes but it's been very hard since our focus is mostly on our daughter. The least I could do right now is cherish those few minutes in the morning when we cuddle and just talk and laugh about anything. It does make me feel closer to him, if anything. I do know we'll have to make an effort and do more special things together though (which would kinda be possible if it weren't for this blasted pandemic, ugh). Truth be told, I don't want to be like my parents, who, in the end, fell apart because somewhere along the line they couldn't meet halfway and love alone wasn't enough to save their marriage. 

Anyway, truth is... I've edited this post so many times that I forgot what point I was going to make. Let me just end this by saying that I truly do cherish my husband and need to show it to him more often. 

© Photo by NordWood Themes on Unsplash