life, or so it is.

I've been looking at life in a myriad of different ways lately.

Perhaps it's something to do with my choices of TV shows or movies: Band of Brothers, Normal People, Friends (aside from always having it on from time to time, I've also been on a mission to get my husband to watch it – so far so good, we're still on Season 1), Dawson's Creek, To All the Boys I've Loved Before, with a documentary here and there. Let's face it, most of these documentaries were crime documentaries, like the Elisa Lam one. Can't help it. 

Anyway, all of my shows basically explore human relationships in different eras. With Normal People, I ended the last episode reeling over how beautiful (and sexy!) Connell and Marianne were, but also how they were so... raw with each other. Everything is laid bare with them, something I find we can only wish to be in our own lives. With Band of Brothers, it's even more gut-wrenching because the human connection made during war is like no other. Dawson's Creek just takes me back to a simpler time, where I didn't even understand the words or topics on that show yet. I mean, I was only 13! Yes, I was definitely too young to watch it back then. Then there's the Elisa Lam documentary. Man, that one hurt. Far from being spooky or mysterious, at the end of it all it was just so tragic. 

All of those, in one way or another, made me look at my own life so far. By watching To All the Boys, while I can no longer relate to all the high school drama, it made me nostalgic for my teenage years, no matter how awkward and awful they can be sometimes. I cherish all of it, as it was in that moment in time where everything I felt was just incredibly intense. We keep on making fun of high schoolers now that we're adults, but we forget what it was like. By watching This is Us, I get to examine and scrutinize my relationship with my mom and dad, separately. How we've been communicating with each other, how we've evolved alongside each other, how we're all far from perfect but just trying to get better each time at nurturing this relationship for as long as we have each other. I'm thankful for each moment I get to spend with them and I just dread when that time finally comes (you know the one, when they're no longer here). I can't even begin to imagine what life is going to be like without them. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that all relationships in our lives are just so delicate. Not necessarily fractured or fragile, but extra care is still needed in nurturing them. I can go from mourning the physical presence of my dad, hurt and angry at his betrayal, to finally be... not exactly at peace, but just surrender to it all, take it as it comes. Try to heal bit by bit. I try my hardest to invest in my relationship with my husband as much as I do with my daughter. 

Life, after all, is fragile. Let's be more mindful with ourselves and each other.

Photo by Lesly Juarez on Unsplash