delusional, i am.

Delusional, I am. This, we have definitely agreed upon for years. But in this case, it's hot and cold. It was only days ago that the conversation had finally been attempted and gone well, too. It was like we were our old selves, getting along, just having a pleasant conversation with a few laughs in-between. Now, today's an important day and the only answer I get was, 'thanks'. That's it. Even his best friend's ex, the one he barely talks to, gets more than that. Am I weird for thinking that after all that happened, I kind of deserve more than a dry, 'thanks'? Or am I just being stupid? Probably the latter.

To quote Robin Scherbatsky, when Ted Mosby scoffed at the fact that she thought he was jealous of her new boyfriend, she said, "I don't know, would it be so weird to assume you might be?" Naturally, it wouldn't, because they were together for a year. He has been telling me, over and over again, that I should just find someone else. Either he just wants me out of his life so bad, not wanting me to get all hung up on him, or he's the one really trying to move on, if you know what I mean. Not the other way around. I've come to realize something else, too. While I tried hard -and succeeded- to only say his name (used to be different when we were dating), he hasn't said my name, not even once. If we talk, he'll find a way not to mention my name. When we broke up, I tried calling him by his name once, and he said it's too weird and that I could call him by what we used to call each other. Does he still find it weird to this day?

I know, I know, I've been warned about this before: kill that hope before it flowers, for your own good! Talk to him as a friend, not as an ex. The lines are indeed blurry. Well, I'll try. Again and again and again. Because as corny and shitty as this might sound, he's important to me, whether he's in or out of my life. Sigh, it's been two years now, what the hell is the matter with me?

ARGH, BEING A GIRL WITH TOO MANY FEELINGS SUCKS. *drowning myself in alcohol* *not really* *more like chocolate milk* *that sounds good* *i'm getting way out of topic now* *peace out*

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