funny, the things a simple...
Well, obviously not literally on your own, of course you had to interact with at least another person otherwise you'd go crazy - but today, it almost felt as if I was. Fair warning before you go on reading this: I'm probably going to get all corny and say stuff like, "I was in a crowd, but never have I felt so alone." Oh, wait. I just did.
Anyway, today marks one of those days that's seemingly insignificant, but contains little surprises here and there that just makes you want to stop whatever you are doing at the moment and think. For example, I have known for a while that I'm not the friendliest person on earth. To the point people would literally hiss at me, telling me, "Yo, how hard is it to put a smile on that face?" (Answer: food and money, betch.)
Today, I had a few run-ins (government officials, cab drivers), and at one point I did feel guilty. Add to that, one guy actually told my mother that I was too grumpy. Oh for all the things that are holy, sometimes I do wonder if I can't change my demeanor. Be a bit more friendly, pleasant, approachable. It wouldn't hurt to just try. You know, no wonder I identify a lot with characters such as Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, or Katniss Everdeen. Either they're all acting as if they'd been peed on (aka sourpuss) or they need anger management once in a while.
Yup. That's me, alright. It's not like I don't try at all, maybe I don't try hard enough. This is different from years ago when I tried to change to please others, now I feel an urgent need to do that for myself. Or you know, maybe I have to stop trying at all and be content with being me. Sigh, the constant war I have with myself.
(This entry ended up being a rambling one. I swear I had a purpose!)
On a related note, I have finally left my job. I think I left on a high note, having completed a crazy ambition of making our own version of the Yellow Pages. Truth is, right now I'm a bit scared for the future. Had a discussion about career stuff yesterday with a friend, and fuck, we are both clueless. However, as for me personally, if there's one thing I'm proud of, is my ability to somehow make the right decisions CAREER-WISE (yes that had to be typed on caps lock, because as far as relationships-wise? I. SUCKETH.) I somehow always end up believing that I'm making the right decision, and everything will turn out for the best. It always does.
So, to conclude, those are the two main things eating away at my brain today: my personality that can only be equaled to a frickin' sunshine, and choices I make career-wise. Life is peachy!
Yup. That's me, alright. It's not like I don't try at all, maybe I don't try hard enough. This is different from years ago when I tried to change to please others, now I feel an urgent need to do that for myself. Or you know, maybe I have to stop trying at all and be content with being me. Sigh, the constant war I have with myself.
(This entry ended up being a rambling one. I swear I had a purpose!)
On a related note, I have finally left my job. I think I left on a high note, having completed a crazy ambition of making our own version of the Yellow Pages. Truth is, right now I'm a bit scared for the future. Had a discussion about career stuff yesterday with a friend, and fuck, we are both clueless. However, as for me personally, if there's one thing I'm proud of, is my ability to somehow make the right decisions CAREER-WISE (yes that had to be typed on caps lock, because as far as relationships-wise? I. SUCKETH.) I somehow always end up believing that I'm making the right decision, and everything will turn out for the best. It always does.
So, to conclude, those are the two main things eating away at my brain today: my personality that can only be equaled to a frickin' sunshine, and choices I make career-wise. Life is peachy!
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